The Weight of Wanting to Be Seen
The Weight of Wanting to Be Seen
Hello, night wanderers.
It's Van here, sitting in the quiet hours before release day, and I need to be honest with you about something.
Bound by Secrets releases this Monday, February 16th.
And I'm terrified.
Not the kind of nervous I felt with Bound by Fire back in March 2025—though that was real too. That book took me two years to finally just do it, only to pull it off shelves three months later for a massive glow-up in June. Then came the chaos of trying to shuffle When He Stayed into an August release while simultaneously spiraling because I couldn't handle the spotlight.
Deep breath.
But then something shifted.
People read my books.
Some said they were too dark and were genuinely surprised by how dark I can be. Others—and this still makes my heart catch—said my stories changed their outlook on life.
The Spiral
Last night, I found myself drowning while standing on dry land.
(That's a line from Bound by Secrets, actually. My new character Vale says it, and wow, does it fit.)
I was thinking about my handful of precious gems—my friends who are excited and genuinely need this book in their hands because they loved Bound by Fire. (Which, to this day, remains my most beloved book in stats but also my most regretful. I wish I'd spent more time on it. Don't worry though—I think I did some serious damage control in book two to cover any plot holes.)
These friends have kept me writing. I need you to understand that.
I wrote Bound by Fire—or rather, I finished it—because I was going through something really, really dark. I'd discovered my first narcissist and desperately needed tools to survive it. So Bound by Fire became fully born from that darkness, and quite literally since the anxiety took away my quality of sleep, I wrote in the dark.
It was all the things I wish I could be.
Much like Celeste, I don't like conflict. I'd rather choose ignorance and hope things resolve on their own. (Spoiler: they never do.) So I wrote Celeste as a quad elemental—a strong woman. The woman I wish I could be. Kind, gentle, but strong.
For Bound by Secrets, I did some serious self-study (kept private so my narc wouldn't know I was gaining tools) to figure out Mark's character better. And knowing those tools, understanding them, gave me enough confidence to start my next healing project. I won't reveal the title yet, but it'll be based on true events in my life. A story about forgiveness.
The Question That Changed Everything
But back to last night's spiral.
I was worried about one person reading this book. Not because they're a bad person—far, far from it. I'm deeply thankful for this friendship. But because I found healing through my writing, and I'm not "perfecting my craft." I'm healing from it.
I was scared that if they read it, they'd critique it or tell me everything wrong with it because they're a real author.
I'm not.
I've said many times before that I'm a storyteller, not an author. (The reasons why could fill another post entirely.) So I was afraid of someone taking away my pen to "make it better" when I'm just using writing as a fantasized journal about how I wish I could be a better human.
But then the question arose, quiet and devastating:
Why are you spiraling over the one person and not celebrating the ten?
Oof.
That thought landed like a brick in my drowning self.
I'm so much like Andrew in Bound by Secrets—my overthinking spirals me into my own demise. But this time? This time I won't let it.
What I Hope For
Quietly, I'm going to celebrate this achievement and hope those ten friends give me updates.
As for the one... I hope you like it.
I hope it touches you in ways no author could. I hope you feel my words as whispers caressing your heart in the ways you need to find healing. I hope your first thought isn't about pacing or paragraph placement, but that you're so involved, so present with my characters, that you feel the depths of their souls crying out to be seen... to be loved... to be protected... wishing they were different... wanting to be stronger.
I hope this for you to see.
And if not... even if you're my friend in other ways, I just might not be your storyteller.
That's all, and that's okay.
Because since When He Stayed, I've learned that even my closest friends can't be supportive in all the ways I need. Some parts of myself need to stay private—even from friends—because there are parts of them that need healing too. Parts my whispers might reach into and touch.
The Truth About Monday
So here's what I need you to know:
Bound by Secrets releases this Monday, and I'm nervous. I'm scared.
Not because it might be wrong or imperfect (though some of those concerns have a little play). I'm scared because these are pieces of my heart that have hurt, bleeding onto pages for you to read. Blood on pages you'll hold, hoping I'll be okay.
(Don't worry, I'll be okay. It's just a metaphor.)
My spirit and presence are your light, but the door to my mind and heart? That's dark.
So just be prepared when you pick up Bound by Secrets. Be prepared for how dark I can be. For the places I've survived from.
This book isn't just a story, it's my fantasized diary of survival written down.
Until next time! Keep wondering, keep creating, and let the night light burn a little longer.
-Van LaCar
Follow my journey through the Bound Series and beyond on Instagram: @vanlacar New stories are stirring in the dark.Bound by Secrets releases February 16th, 2026.
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