What Bound by Secrets Has Taught Me
What Bound by Secrets Has Taught Me
Hello, night wanderers.
I'm sitting here with my coffee (okay, it's my third cup, don't judge), staring at the book that's about to be released into the world in just a few days, and I keep asking myself: What did this book teach me?
Turns out? A heck of a lot more than I expected.
The Reality of Manipulation
Let's start with the hard stuff, because that's where the real growth happens, right?
I've watched manipulation unfold. I've been the target of it, and here's what I learned: when someone dangerous has that much intelligence, it works. It really, really works.
The worst part? It's not the obvious villain type. It's not the person twirling their mustache in the corner. It's the one who manufactures vulnerability by exploiting the genuine emotions of people like me—super empaths who feel everything and want to help everyone.
Enter Mark. My master manipulator.
He planned for three years—three whole years—to position himself as Celeste's "inevitable choice." He studied her. He learned her patterns, her fears, and her desires. He created dependency while maintaining plausible deniability.
Sound familiar to anyone else? (Please tell me I'm not alone in this.)
But here's the thing: writing Mark gave me tools. Real, practical tools to protect myself against people like him in my own life. I studied manipulators to write him authentically, and in doing so, I learned how to recognize their patterns. How to see through the manufactured vulnerability. How to protect my heart, and hopefully yours.
The Bonds We Form (And Break)
Through my own hurt from a real-life manipulator, I realized something profound: they had hurt other people I love too.
When I decided to be a strong voice—even if it wavered, even if I was terrified—I found that others that I bonded with. Those of us who'd been hurt by the same person became stronger together. We found strength in shared experience.
Some bonds grew, and some weakened. The bond with my manipulator? Yeah, that one shattered, and I still felt grief. I still felt betrayal because when that bond died, a part of me died with it.
(But I'm better for it. I promise I'm better for it.)
Healing Isn't Linear (And That's Okay)
If I'm being honest with myself and you, trauma recovery has never been a straight line for me.
Never.
I learned through writing this book that healing is a process, not a destination, and sometimes I get frustrated when I'm not "there yet," wherever "there" is supposed to be. But then I have to remind myself: it's like a workout. You don't get abs after one sit-up, right?
Healing can be messy, imperfect, and slow.
My characters reflect this reality. Celeste's nightmares don't disappear after one heart-to-heart conversation. Her trust issues resurface under stress. She regresses, struggles, and takes two steps forward for that one step back.
Because that's real and honest, and I think that realistic portrayal is often missing from romantasy.
Found Family Is Real Family
I'm not afraid to call strangers-turned-friends "family."
My parents abandoned me. That's just the truth of it, but when I found my husband when he was in the military, I found such beauty in found family there. The kind of family you choose. The kind that chooses you back because you're in the same place together.
I wanted to portray that in my books because for some of us, chosen family isn't just a nice concept—it's survival.
The Challenge of Gray
After reading Shadow and Bone by Leigh Bardugo, I couldn't stop thinking about the Darkling. (This is just my opinion, so don't come for me.) He was painted as a villain, but I truly believe he was misunderstood. I felt bad for him.
Thus, the challenge of Mark was born.
Mark isn't evil. He's worse—he's strategic. He exists in gray areas that make readers uncomfortable. The choices he makes are uncomfortably real.
I wanted him to be the kind of antagonist who makes you question everything. Who makes you think, "Wait, is he wrong though?" even when you know he is.
Because that's real life, isn't it? People aren't all good or all bad. They're complicated, messy humans.
The Bottom Line
Here's why I really wrote Bound by Secrets: because my struggles in the real world don't have easy answers or clean resolutions.
Neither does my book.
Life is messy, healing is complicated, people are flawed, and sometimes the villain makes good points that make you question your own morality.
This book refused to give me easy answers while I was writing it. It pushed me, challenged me, and made me examine my own experiences with manipulation, trauma, and recovery.
And now, in just a few days, I'm releasing it into the world.
I'm terrified. I'm excited. I'm proud. I'm all of it at once.
But mostly? I'm grateful. Grateful that this story exists, grateful for what it taught me, and even more grateful for the ten of you who will read it and hopefully find pieces of yourselves in these pages.
Thank you for being here. Thank you for listening. Thank you for letting me share this piece of my heart with you.
Until next time! Keep wondering, keep creating, and let the night light burn a little longer.
-Van LaCar
Follow my journey through the Bound Series and beyond on Instagram: @vanlacar
New stories are stirring in the dark.
Stay tuned for Bound by Secrets coming February 2026.
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